Now that I have a tiny version of myself, I am so much more aware of everything I do and say. I knew motherhood would be a huge responsiblity, but of course I never imagined I would feel this kind of weight.
Thankfully, when Alice joins me on some of my more tedious but necessary pursuits, I am encouraged by her cuteness. Every morning I have the struggle with myself over doing my exercises and belly dance drills. I'll be honest here. I hate them. I HATE exercising, and drills are booorrriiing. However, I like being healthy. I like being a good dancer. I like the way my depression is contained by the onslaught of endorphins. But, I also like snuggling under my covers and sleeping longer. I like sitting on my butt and vegging.
Yet, Alice, like all toddlers, wants to be like her parents and mimics what I do. When I'm doing sit-ups, she tries to do them, too. When I'm doing yoga, she gets into downward facing dog right next to me. Today I was drilling shaabi, and she hopped along, too. And said, "Look! I'm just like Mommy!" It is very gratifying knowing I am instilling habits in my daughter that will last her whole life. Habits that are good for her health. Of course, yesterday after doing some tiring housework, I collapsed on the couch and declared that I needed to sit on my butt for a while. Alice ran to the couch shouting, "I wanna sit on my butt, too!" There's that reminder that she is watching *everything* I do, not just the things I want.
I pray every day that I will be a good role model for her. She's an amazing girl. She deserves a Mommy who will do everything she can to be amazing, too.